yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
