Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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