I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
