You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
