i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
