i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
