in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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