I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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