i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
