It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
