Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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