I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He did a backflip because drugs
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