Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
