One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
