If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
