Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
