he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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