Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to sanitize my soul.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
