Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
