Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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