I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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