Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
