evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
