we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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