Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
