that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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