Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
