I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I need to stop coming to work sober
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
