There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
