just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
