He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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