So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
