why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Welp...herpes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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