we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
