if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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