Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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