I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I still have a little drunk in my system
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
