i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
