Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
