why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
