The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
