??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
