I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
