How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
