Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
