He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
