Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
