margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
