Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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