I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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