She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
