Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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