38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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