I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
