worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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