I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
