i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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