I cockslap morals
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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