id be glad to
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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