May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
