oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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