ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is the high leading the old right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
