Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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