you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
