I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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