He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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