I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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