i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize