never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
