just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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