God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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