what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
