Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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