GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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