Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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